Father’s Day Reflections From One Caregiver to Another
Father’s Day is a joyful time when we show appreciation and celebrate the love, guidance, and sacrifices that a father or father figure has provided.
For many, it can also stir up bittersweet emotions, especially when you’re no longer able to celebrate with the man that played such a pivotal role in your life. Whether you're currently caring for your dad, grieving his loss, or navigating complicated feelings around this day, know that you're not alone.
If you’re currently caring for your dad, or if you are grieving his loss, or if you are navigating complicated feelings around this day, you’re not alone.
My Journey | For me, Father’s day carries love, loss, and nostalgia. My father passed away when I was just 18. I was finishing up my first semester of college and had plans to visit him for Christmas. But, life had other plans. The night before my flight, I got the call that changed my life forever.
Though many years have passed, I still find myself reflecting on the moments we shared and the lessons he taught me. Like, how he would often wake me up in the wee hours of the morning to gaze at the stars as he talked at length about the constellations, poetry, and life. He told me stories about his life, our family, and tales of joy and sorrow.
As caregivers, whether we’re caring for an elderly parent, spouse, or loved one, we find ourselves in a unique relationship with time. We cherish the moments we have, and we often carry the weight of the responsibility with both pride and sorrow.
Every Father’s Day I pause to reflect on the brief time I had with my dad. In his presence I found lessons that continue to guide my life and shaped the way I show up in my caregiving journey with Mama. This Father’s Day, I want to honor his memory by sharing a few of those lessons.
1. The Power of Small Moments
Whether it’s a shared laugh, the moments of presence, or just being there in silence, those are the moments that truly matter.
When I was younger, I didn’t realize the importance of the small, ordinary or quiet moments. I was often too busy with life or school or friends, all the distractions of youth. Looking back on the time I spent with my father, I cherish my memories of little things, the conversations we shared in the wee hours of the morning as we gazed at the stars, my after school visits to his office, our travel home from school/work as he talked in endless detail of his glorious plans for my life.
As caregivers, we may focus on the big tasks, managing medications, attending doctor’s appointments, the endless to do lists. But sometimes, it’s the small moments that matter most. Whether it’s a shared laugh, the moments of presence, or just being there in silence, those are the moments that truly matter.
2. The Strength in Vulnerability
My father was a proud man. He rarely was one to show his vulnerabilities. But there were rare moments when he would let his guard down. In those quiet conversations , often late at night when we were walking home, or early morning as we were star gazing, he seemed to need a listening ear. He spoke about my mother after their separation, not with bitterness, but tenderness and longing. He reflected on the joy she once brought into his life, and how deeply things shifted after she moved away. He opened up about the son he lost, their shared love of music, the way they would spend hours strumming a guitar and singing together. There was joy in those memories, but also an unmistakable ache. He also spoke of the future he had dreamed for himself and for each of his children.
Looking back, I see how vulnerable he was in those moments. He was processing loss the only way he knew, with quiet honesty. As I’ve grown older and stepped into caregiving roles myself, those conversations take on a deeper meaning. They taught me that strength and vulnerability are not opposites, they are intertwined. Sometimes, the most powerful lessons come from the simplest, most human moments.
As caregivers, we sometimes feel the weight of responsibility pressing down on us. We may worry about our loved ones losing their dignity or their sense of independence. But the truth is, caregiving is not about taking away someone’s strength; it’s about showing up when they need you most. It’s about allowing them the space to lean on you, and in turn, learning to lean on others when you need support. In caregiving, vulnerability doesn’t diminish but deepens your connection to your loved one.
3. The Gift of Patience
With my father’s passing, I spent so much time in regret about the times I was impatient with him, whether it’s listening to his long winded stories (some I heard a thousand times), his detailed plans for my future, or waking me up in the wee hours of the morning. I remember feeling such frustration. I didn’t understand the gift of those moments then.
Caregiving is often an exercise in patience. There will be days when things don’t go as planned, when your loved one forgets something important or when you’re running on empty. It’s easy to become frustrated, to wish things were different, but my father’s passing taught me a valuable lesson: patience is a gift, not just for the person you’re caring for, but for yourself too.
It’s okay not to have all the answers. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to feel frustrated. And it’s okay to take a step back when you need to. Patience doesn’t mean perfection; it means showing up, even on the hard days, and giving yourself grace when you don’t get it all right.
4. Embracing Gratitude
We sometimes forget about gratitude in the midst of the chaos.
But if we can stop for a moment and recognize the love, the opportunity, and the privilege of caring for someone we cherish, it can make all the difference.
On Father’s Day, I often think of what I learned from my father in the short time we had together. His lessons, his wisdom, his love, these are the things I carry with me every day.
My father often recited from his favorite poet, H.W. Longfellow, especially when he saw my displeasure with his early morning star gazing. A favorite was: “The heights by great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight, but they while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night.” And, this has rung in my ears (and heart) and has gotten me through some very difficult times.
As caregivers, we sometimes forget about gratitude in the midst of the chaos. It’s easy to get lost in the endless to-do lists and medical appointments. But if we can stop for a moment and recognize the love, the opportunity, and the privilege of caring for someone we cherish, it can make all the difference.
Even though my father is no longer physically with me, I feel his presence in the way I approach life, in the way I care for others, and in the quiet moments. And, I am grateful for the lessons he taught me.
5. Cherishing What You Have Left
There’s something incredibly special about the time you spend with a loved one in their later years. It’s not always easy, and it’s certainly not glamorous, but it is meaningful. If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a caregiver and as someone who’s lost a parent too soon, it’s this: cherish what you have left.
I never got to walk alongside my father in his aging years. I never got to help organize his medications, accompany him to doctors’ visits, or sit beside him as he tells his life stories. There are days I wonder what kind of caregiver I would’ve been for him, and days I feel his quiet guidance anyway.
In caring for Mama, I learned that there’s something incredibly special about the time you spend with a loved one in their later years. It’s not always easy, and it’s certainly not glamorous, but it is meaningful. If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a caregiver and as someone who’s lost a parent too soon, it’s this: cherish what you have left.
Father’s Day isn’t just about celebrating the fathers who are still with us, but also remembering the ones we’ve lost, honoring their legacy, and carrying their lessons with us.
A Message from One Caregiver to Another
To all the caregivers out there, know that what you’re doing matters. You may not always see the impact, and there will be days when you feel like you’re giving more than you can. But trust that your presence, your love, and your care make a world of difference.
This Father’s Day, take a moment to reflect on the moments you’ve shared with the ones you love. Honor their strength, their wisdom, and the gift of time that you’ve been given. And remember to give yourself credit for the incredible work you do, caregiving isn’t just about what you give; it’s about the love, lessons and quiet moments of grace you receive in return.
You’re not alone in this journey. We’re all in this together, sharing the highs and the lows, the beauty and the challenges. And sometimes, just sometimes, the greatest gift you can give yourself is the gift of reflection and gratitude.
