The 5 Hardest Parts of Caring for My Aging Parent
As Mama aged, compounded by a few health crisis, my caregiver role increased significantly. I honestly had no idea how much becoming her caregiver would change me.
It’s a role that tested me in so many ways—physically, emotionally, spiritually.
My Journey | When Mama came to live with us, she was still relatively active for an 82 year old. She was still able to move around, take care of her own personal needs while also helping to take care of us. As she aged, compounded by a few health crisis, my caregiver role increased significantly. I honestly had no idea how much becoming her caregiver would change me. It’s a role that tested me in so many ways—physically, emotionally, spiritually. Here are some of the hard parts of caring for Mama.
TLDR: I share some Pro Tips to help.
1. Watching Someone You Love Decline
Yes aging is a part of life, and decline may not be the best word to use. However, there is no way to prepare for the pain of watching your parent—the person who once took care of you—begin to forget, have trouble moving, slow down, or lose pieces of themselves. It’s like grief in slow motion. Each time I have to take over a task that Mama did on her own, I can see how much it hurts her. Recently, I took over administering medications after noticing she was struggling to keep track. In true Mama fashion, she apologized over and over, as if needing help was something to be ashamed of.
I can only imagine what it feels like for her—watching her independence fade, one small task at a time.
I still see the woman who raised me, the one who taught me strength and grace—the one who was fierce and a real fighter (and still is in her own way). But sometimes, in the confusion or in the silence, I start to lose sight of who she is—I can’t let that happen.
Pro Tip: When you step in to help, try to preserve their sense of dignity. Let them know you’re doing it with them, not for them—because you love them, not because they’ve failed.
2. The Constant Worry
Are they safe? Did they take their medication? Did I forget to pick up the medication? Did I miss something important? The mental load never really let up. It’s a 24/7 job. As a natural worrier, in this caregiving role this can be intense, and something that I’ve had to work on constantly. The worry can take over, and it can easily seep into how I interact with my loved ones. The constant worry is not healthy—for either of us.
Pro Tip: Don’t forget to take regular breaks from the mental overload. It’s easy to get lost in the constant worry, but it’s important to give yourself space to recharge. It’s important to remember that you can’t care for others if you’re running on empty. Take time to reset, both for your own peace of mind and for the well-being of your loved ones. Check out my other blogs on self-care: Care for the Caregiver: Recognizing and Managing Caregiver Burnout; Nurture the Nurturer: Tips for Family Caregivers on Balancing Self-Care with Caregiving; My Serenity Stash: Creating your Personalized Coping Kit
3. The Isolation
Family and friends, no matter how well-intentioned, often don’t understand what you're going through. Social events become fewer, and sometimes it feels like people don’t quite get that “I have Mama” is a legitimate reason for missing out. Some days, it feels like your world has shrunk to the four walls of your home and your loved one’s needs. It’s easy to feel unseen, as if the outside world is moving on without you.
Pro Tip: Don’t be afraid to set boundaries, even with loved ones. It’s okay to prioritize your own well-being and caregiving duties, but also remember to carve out moments for yourself. Seek out people who understand your situation, or just ask for help when you need it. You’re not alone in this, even when it feels that way.
4. The Guilt
You do your best—but there’s always that nagging question: Am I doing enough? Should I have done more? Was I being impatient with her? Guilt has a way of creeping in on the bad days—the days when exhaustion takes over, when your patience runs thin, and you feel like you’re not meeting your own expectations. It’s on those days that the weight of responsibility feels heaviest, and the inner critic is loudest.
Pro Tip: Be kind to yourself. Caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint. You’ll have tough days, and that’s okay. The fact that you’re asking these questions means you care deeply—and that, in itself, is enough. Give yourself the grace you give others.
5. The Burnout
Caregiver burnout is real.
You’re often on duty around the clock, with little or no time to recharge. Your needs—physical, emotional, and social—tend to fall to the bottom of the list. The exhaustion can feel endless, and it’s not always easy to ask for help. Sometimes, there simply isn’t anyone there to help, or you feel guilty for even asking.
I didn’t realize how much I was running on fumes until I broke down over something as small as starting dinner late one evening. In that moment, I saw how the weight of constant caregiving had crept up on me. The little things, once so easy to manage, suddenly felt like monumental tasks.
Pro Tip: If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s not a sign of failure—it’s a sign that you need to take care of yourself too. Even small breaks can make a huge difference in how you manage your energy. Don’t be afraid to reach out, even if it feels like there’s no time or space for it. Your well-being matters as much as the one you're caring for. Of course, my blog on burnout has lots of great information that can help, so check it out: Care for the Caregiver: Recognizing and Managing Caregiver Burnout.
Final Thoughts
Caregiving is not just a role—it’s a relationship, a promise, and often, a calling. It’s not always easy. In fact, it rarely is. But in the midst of the exhaustion and frustration, there are also incredible gifts—lessons about love, legacy, and what it means to show up for someone fully.
